Weight loss

The thing is, I am happy I am losing weight.

But having lost weight, I am really no happier than I was before.

The fantasies I had of this summer are starting to turn into anxieties.

What if I can't lose enough weight by the time I go home?

That would be bad.

What if I finally start having a good summer, then get another job (a goal by the end of August) and have to start all over in a new location?

What happens if I ultimately fail at the I don't know what I would do.

This thing has become such a huge goal of mine.

It is more than a diet; it is a tangible tool for change.

This diet could prove to me what I can do with a little effort.

And since I currently have a very bad case of "what-the-fuck-am-I-gonna-do-with-my-life," I think I need to prove to myself that drastic measures can indeed be taken.

But these days, the ones with no motivation, are the worst.

I didn't really want to work today and I certainly talked myself out of exercising.

About the only thing I can really salvage from today was that I really wanted to get fast food, yet decided to get a double meat Subway club instead, thereby staying within the cheating rules I have set for myself.

Right now there are exactly two weeks left in this, and I have probably blown my chance to get to 300 by then.

I have a feeling that a double meat club, even...

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